It's showtime!

I won't bore you with my essay...after much deliberation and creativity, here's my remediated text. Let me know what you think.

From Kingdom to Comedy
Kingdom Hearts II from the eyes of in-game characters
REMEDIATION TEXT

Roxas
ENTRY ONE – Beginning of the Game
“Far out guys, I’m tripping out here. One minute I’m hanging out with Hanyer, Pence and Olette, and the next, I’m on some weird glass platform with all these stairs. I have no idea how I got there, all I knew was that I needed to get out. As I ran up the stairs, I came across these little black things that look like overgrown ants. How original. Must...squash...ants, and what better to do it with but a giant key that magically appears in my hand? When I made it to the top, I looked down and saw myself in the stained-glass floor. What the heck?”

ENTRY TWO
“I guess I’m going crazy, or have some form of schizophrenia. I keep seeing these guys in black coats. They’re everywhere! I can’t get away, I mean, I couldn’t even get to the beach because they got in the way! No one else sees them and Hayner thinks I’m crazy. Not good. We even went to the abandoned mansion and I saw this really cute blonde girl in the window, but no one else did. I think I need help. My memories are slowly leaving. I don’t know what’s going on anymore. Maybe I’m not who I thought I was...or maybe it’s just a brain freeze from too much sea-salt ice cream.”

Sora
ENTRY ONE
“Man, what a nap. It feels like I’ve been a sleep for a year, and I have the biggest wedgie right now! Oh man, my clothes are too small. Maybe I have been asleep for a year, but how can that be? Wait, it couldn’t be that cute blonde girl, could it? I swear she didn’t slip anything in my food, or maybe she did. Wait, I don’t eat. I travel all around the worlds and not once do I eat anything. Man, I must be like a human camel!”

Kairi
ENTRY ONE
“That darn Sora, I wish he would come back. He promised! Now I stand here every night trying to remember his name and watching the ocean. Mum keeps telling me off for coming home late and I have to eat dinner cold!”

Sora
ENTRY TWO
Well, Donald and Goofy are still here, so this definitely isn’t a dream. I finally got some new clothes, so I was able to get rid of that damn wedgie, but now I’m stuck travelling around in that small 2-man spaceship made out of gummi blocks with three people in it. Give me a wedgie any day! At least I can run around on different worlds now. That reminds me…where did all my keyblade charms go? I had the ultimate weapon before I went to sleep and now I have nothing but the lousy kingdom key, which takes for-EVER to beat anything! I wanna know who stole them, so I can go kick their butt!”

Riku
ENTRY ONE
“Geez, all this time in the darkness is making me look like an albino. I’m all pale and my hair is all silver. Wait, it was that colour before…phew. I do however have a new party trick. I can turn into a tall, angry man wearing too much fake tan. It’s pretty neat. I found Kairi the other day while walking through a dark doorway. What’s she doing hanging around in that part of town anyways?”

Axel
ENTRY ONE
“Man, I miss Roxas. There’s nothing like spending time with that crazy mop of blonde hair. I just wanna hear his voice one more time, is that so bad? I’ve looked everywhere for him, but I can’t find him anywhere. It just fires me up! I should stop setting stuff on fire, I’ve gone through about 12 of these damn Organisation cloaks and they’re starting to charge me for them!”

Sora
ENTRY THREE
(sings)“One thousand heartless all over the ground…one thousand monsters down there! Take one down, spin it around, eight hundred heartless all over the ground!” (Stops singing.) “Oh how that song makes the Battle of a Thousand Heartless so much more fun!”

Xemnas
ENTRY ONE
“Damn, I look sexy! I mean c’mon. What’s not to love about my hairless face, orange skin and long silver hair? Plus I’m the bad guy in this story, and chicks dig bad guys. They do, don’t they? What if they don’t? Maybe I picked the wrong side…I wonder if Ansem will let me go back on the good side. If not, I dug myself a hole that I can’t get out of, so I might as well go out with a bang...by running down the side of a building at such as speed that I run crashing into the ground!”

Sora
ENTRY FOUR
“Well, that was really disappointing. You didn’t really need to know anything that happened between last time I was here to now. IT goes along the lines of that the evil guy is Xemnas, Xehanort’s nobody. Who is he? Nobody, exactly! The organisation just wanted to stop me and when I confronted Xemnas, pretty much killed himself! I didn’t even have to use my super-sexy new Final Form that I spent about 60 hours trying to obtain by changing into random Drive Forms continuously! You know how many times I had to become Anti Sora??!! Anti Sora is the stupidest form I have ever seen. all it can do is run around swiping its overly pointy fingers at things! It’s so useless. I guess that’s what I get for becoming a heartless in the first game though.
Anyways, I guess that’s over. I thought now I could just go home and hang out with Kairi and Riku, but no, the King or someone sent us a message in a bottle. Now we’re off to start a new adventure…again. I better not get another wedgie this time!